This Movie

This Movie

When I think about all the life stories

that never make the silver screen

stories that have a lot of valuable stuff to say

about humanity and how we fuck everything up

and how not to

mine is a prime candidate for a blockbuster movie

a hit at the box office with the best of the best of all soundtracks

and some of the most ground-breaking

Oscar-winning performances ever known

when I look back on the journey

and it’s no fairy-tale

and it’s no love story

and it’s no sci-fi

it’s real, dark, gritty and edgy; as it should be in films

it’s raw, crazy and horrific, edge of the seat stuff

you wouldn’t know where your popcorn went

you’d be so engrossed in keeping your eyes on the picture

or at least to a point—


at this point

more recent years

the storyline has been reassuringly dull

some level of near sanity has been restored

of the sort, I haven’t known since I was inside the womb.


Outside of the womb no-one is ever entirely sane

no-one is safe

and no-one can be certain of anything

but dullness

this welcome break from the drama

is now a plotless movie

I fell in love

I moved miles away from my hometown

and now

I’m getting married

I’m still not having kids

I kept that promise to myself pretty good

and I’m not caught in the middle of a war

and arguments are rare and petty.


My mental health is behaving itself

I take my pills every day without fail

addictions are over and done with

my weight is getting toward healthy again

I eat sensibly

I go to the gym now and then

I sleep well

my hair is grey

my makeup subtle

my dress sense is comfortable, smart casual

I drink coffee every morning

I brush my teeth twice a day

I keep a good hygiene routine

I barely touch caffeine throughout the day.


Sometimes I go shopping

sometimes I get on buses and travel

sometimes I walk

now and then I go to the dentist

or go get my hair cut

I rarely enter a pub or nightclub

my friends are a select few

and I’ve burnt my bridges with the old ways

and most of the old crowd.


Ok sometimes I still fuck

and sometimes I don’t

and I still swear

and sometimes I don’t.


Overall though

pretty standard dullness

that’s how it is these days

not worthy of an audience

not worth your cinema ticket charge.


This happy ending is not even cheesy enough

surprising enough

or cliché enough to send you home from the movie theatre

feeling complete or excited

it’s an anti-climax

it’s an anomaly

there’s no cliff hanger

no twist

and there’s no conclusion

and I kind of like it that way.

Being Human

Being Human

Life in a bleach bucket of sanity

kills originality dead

creativity is misunderstood here

life is wasting here

with every swoosh of the mop

I lean a little closer to lunacy.


Normal has no imagination

every day is spent


and sane is the word you give to people who

live in bubbles of nonchalant pride

self-satisfied, leading cookie-cutter lives

on life’s conveyor belt

of mass-produced lies, fakes and cheap makes

no surprise.


Normal wants perfect

all perfection has flaws

and normal wants to look like advertisements on billboards

sane wants to feel justified

sane is bullshit


sane is neither yours nor mine.


it’s a laughing lunatic buckled into a straitjacket

of standardised expectations

mediocre ambitions

sacrificed dreams

crouched in a padded cell of temporary safety and comfort

staring out through the barred window

weighing itself against a ward full of case studies

shuffling around patiently

waiting for medication time

whose grandiose declarations of sanity

are suspect at best

and you realise you’re just like all the rest

only human

after all.